Friday 26th August, 2022
AKA… ONE WEEK UNTIL THE BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIFE (so far)
No YOU’RE way too excited… oh, maybe it’s just me then. Anyone else? Anyone?…… of course you are… but maybe not as much as me.
That’s right, my brain has almost fully split open with the chaos of this great storm. For some reason, a lot of my musician/artist metaphors are nautical in theme… I’m the captain of a ship with a crew, I’m in the eye of a storm, etc… but I guess that’s just where my mind is at. (I don’t even swim that well.)
Feels like I’ve abandoned all responsibility in being understood with this journal entry. I’ll expect you to get it. You’re smart, I don’t gotta spell it all out for you. (metaphorically speaking… literally I’m spelling all of this out by the very nature of the written medium.)
AHHH YOU GET ME…
So what can I talk about a week before the show?
How about the vital cognitive dissonance that we must all hold against big events in our lives. These moments are HUGELY important, & at the end of the day… not that big of a deal. How can this be? How can three years of my life culminate into the biggest show of my career so far, with dozens of people responsible for making it possible, & over 100 people needing to be entertained, how can all of this be insignificant? & why does it have to be insignificant?
Okay first things first… at the end of the day: “it’s only music.” If I fail in any way, or in every way, nobody’s gonna die, starve, or suffer. (at least not seriously) Equally, if everything goes perfectly, it’s not gonna save the world. (at least not the whole world). So, underlying all of this work, & stress, & money, is the brutal fact that the stakes are really low… but to stop our thinking there would be awful… why would I invest all of my money, my time, my energy, my emotional & mental wellbeing, into something that’s ultimately not that important? This is the part where I tell you that this show is the genesis of my entire future, & by extension, it’s the beginning of my ability to change the world. There will be people there that can catapult me forwards, beyond my wildest dreams… there will be an entire room full of friends, family & fans, any of which could have a revelatory moment & begin their own journey towards self-actualisation. It was a circus show that revealed to me, my future as a stage performer. For all I know, this show could be that for someone else.
When we need to push harder & work, when we’re in need of inspiration, we remember how big of an achievement & opportunity this night will be.
When we need to face the fright of failure, we remember how insignificant this night will be, & how it’s just another step on the long road to success.
That’s really all I can mention about this show right now… my brain is somewhat melted with little tasks left to wrap up. I will mention the SNAP decisions that have needed to be made this past week, cause they are really important to unpack & talk about…. but I’ll do that next week.
For now, let me share with you some of an interview I gave recently. They didn’t publish a lot of my response, so I figure it’ll be nice to have it out somewhere. It’s mostly a summary of my journey so far.
When I was sixteen I dedicated my life to becoming a stage performer. Although back then, all I wanted to be was a Circus artist. A few years after this, my dreams of becoming a professional Circus performer were cut short. Something to do with the connection between my ribs & my spine. Back then I couldn't afford any sort of physiotherapy, so the injury inevitably won the war. That's when I gave up on my dream. After a few rough years, music really came through for me. I'm still able to give my life to the stage, although now I'm singing a lot more than swinging through the air.
With so much work to do, I haven't had much time to take stock of all the amazing things that have been happening. In the past year I've begun performing as a Circus artist once again. I even played a trapeze artist in the film. I've performed on the Bord Gais stage, & have started a degree in music business. I've also spent all of my savings in the production of these projects, or as the business people say: "I've invested in myself". This coming Friday, on the 2nd of September, I finally debut my album, my film, & the live performance I've been working on all of these years. Countless sleepless nights, exhausting days, & more money than I'd care to disclose... All of this drive & ambition has led me to a small venue in the heart of Dublin city, on the last day of my 20's, to show my family, friends, & fans, all that I've been working on.
Between the end of my Circus career, the start of my music journey, & this debut album, it feels like a whole new beginning... which is why I named the album: Start of Something Blue. It just so happens that the songs, & the story of the film, is also about beginning again, & the beauty in trying, even after we've failed... (especially after we've failed.) I guess that's the entrepreneur mindset right? Considering how difficult it's been to get here, I'd like to hope that it will get easier, but I don't think it will. No matter how big the audience, the band, or the budget gets, I'll always want to go that little bit further. So I'm somewhat doomed to a life of beautiful struggle... although I try not to think about it in the days before a big show!
Anyways, that’s me everyone!
Buy a ticket, tell your friends, come to the show on the 2nd
https://www.nathanmacmusic.com/merch/p/album-launch-film-premiere-ticket-1
Nathan
