Saying yes a second time - 16.08.24
It’s 5 in the morning & I can’t sleep… so let’s catch up.
Yesterday I panicked, cancelling an opportunity that was gifted to me a few days ago: the chance to take part in a video performance series. A lot of wonderful Irish artists have played it & I was going to be one of them, but then…
A few things led to me running away from this opportunity. I’ve not been the most productive person lately. Preparing for anything has been pretty anxiety inducing. The filming date was set for 2 weeks away. That’s not much time for anything, is it? When I need to organise the rigging & choreography for a little rope routine, when I need to organise the band & piece together two new songs… one of mine, & one of another, Irish artist. Yesterday, as I had a rehearsal organised with the boys, there was no music to play… no cover chosen or committed to. I’m not much of a cover artist. That’s not one of my skills. My original track wasn’t ready to play with yet either. That same morning, my rope class was moved to next week. Suddenly the two components that needed the most work, were falling away from me. It was overwhelming before this, but now it seemed impossible.
Pulling out of an opportunity is nothing new to me. Knowing when to step forward & shine is something you learn after failing to do so many times. I’ve taken opportunities before I was ready before & not only squandered them, but actively created a negative & unprofessional view of myself. My music, my work, they deserve time & consideration. It deserves to be presented perfectly.
So I was pretty low yesterday. Setting up for a rehearsal that had no focus or purpose was pretty disheartening. I sat alone, earlier than the others, equipment plugged in & checked, my heart in my throat, & my soul sunk into my shoes. This becomes the moment I get a call. The person I had just cancelled on. He understood my apprehension, but he was also calling to explain that there was still time. In fact, an extra two weeks to prepare. He asked, “did I still want to perform?”
How could I say no?
Ian made it to rehearsal first, & the hug he gave me began to work its magic almost immediately. An advantage of having two giant bandmates is the all engulfing hugs that you can garner from them. I was starting to feel better. We still didn’t have much work to do. We talked & we sat on the cold stage & suggested cover songs that would make more sense. Eventually it hits me… a song from my pub singing past. A song that changed my creative life. Fitzcarraldo by The Frames. This is the song that introduced me to Werner Herzog. This is the man that shaped my early 20’s. This is the creative force that has built so much of my approach to poetry & life.
Grim arrives, another tall man with a big hug in him. I’m finally eating breakfast now too. Things are looking up. Still nothing to rehearse really, but I have two brothers in front of me, joking, laughing, & making my anxiety melt away. This is the family feeling that I’ve always longed for. This is essential to me. It’s why I’m an artist. Suddenly, with a bit more time, & two new smiles, all of this becomes possible. I know that we’re going to put on something amazing. A song from the new album, a song from my past. A strange performance in a tiny & magical bunker.
Before I leave you be & try to get a bit more sleep, let me just say this:
Prepare for lucky.
Say yes when you can.
Say yes when you could.
It’s okay to say no to an opportunity.
It’s okay to prioritise your mental health.
There will be more luck in the future.
Talk to you next week, hopefully on time.
Nathan
