Wednesday 11th May, 2022
Not been great, not gonna lie, but maybe that’s my normal…
Not sure if many others get like this… I know us ‘creative types’ can be a particularly emotional bunch, but I never hear many of us talk about our moods in depth. Maybe I’m just not listening, which sounds like me… No matter, I’m gonna share a quick story of ups, downs, & a really helpful metaphor.
To set the scene, my life has been pretty great lately. A wonderful new apartment, some nice new work, new songs, fantastic production sessions… but the stress of some simple college assignments has me pinned to the bed more than usual. Unfortunately for me, my depressive moods make no sense in this new, lovely, & comfortable life I’ve got. This translates into me lying in bed until 1pm, chastising myself for not getting up, feeling worse, & then staying in bed. The cycle continues & nothing gets done. Some days I wake up in a fantastic mood & bounce around all happy like, but in general, I’ve been a bit mopey.
It’s this situation that allowed me to disappear into many a Youtube rabbit hole. One of these was a lovely, ‘creative self-helper’ by the name of ‘Struthless’. Listening to this guy talk about productivity gave me a little hope… he wasn’t telling me to ‘crush my competition’. He wasn’t beating me with a productivity stick. He was giving me techniques on how to treat myself a little nicer, & trust that, after I’ve relaxed a bit on the self-punishment, I’ll actually feel like I want to work… like there’s a reason to. Gradually, my shoulders dropped, my jaw began to unclench, & my lungs opened a little deeper. I didn’t even realise how tense I was. However, I still didn’t feel like doing anything. It wasn’t until last night that my good old friend ‘The School of Life’ popped up on my feed with a video about our ‘Mental Winters’. This is the metaphor that kinda lifted me out of my wee spiral.
The general idea of your ‘Mental Winter’ is that your mind, like nature, needs to go dark every once in a while… & that this is okay. Allowing yourself to go quiet, allowing yourself to lie a little bit longer in bed, allowing yourself that little bit more, & NOT beating yourself up about it. In fact, beating yourself up about a bit of self-indulgence, kind of negates the purpose… then you end up with nothing. I should mention super quick though… I do believe that ‘self-care’ doesn’t always mean ‘self-indulgence’… a lot of people conflate the two. Tough love is self-love too.
Anyways, after this idea sank in, I lay there, looked around my lovely room, felt the sexy bathrobe on my skin, & smiled. I was so comfortable, I was enjoying it, & after a moment of bliss I actually wanted to get up. I wanted to take part in the day & get some jobs done. I wanted to enjoy some food, some tea, some coffee… then I just started doing things.
This journal isn’t really a ‘self-help’ kind of project. It’s more of a reflective writing with hopes that it’ll resonate with those who read it. It’s for you, the artist struggling to work & find meaning. It’s for your creative friend who never seems to pursue the creativity they love. It’s for a younger me. In spite of all I just said, the ‘self-help’ stuff really can be helpful, if you’re good at cherrypicking that is… I still refuse to get back into meditation.
So, with the attitude of ‘self-care’, ‘self-love’, & accepting my ‘Mental Winter’, I’m gonna get off this, hang out with my bitchin roommates, & eat some fried sourdough.
Love you… (possibly)
Nathan
