Wednesday 16th August, 2023
I want you to think, think hard… Can you remember any bands, local ones maybe, that don’t play or make music anymore?
This is a difficult one to answer for me, memory problems will make things somewhat harder to remember… but I’ve met, & known SO many artists from around the world over the years. When I started playing music with my friends, a lot of them seemed far more likely to succeed than me. (in fact I was often overlooked for other artists for local projects) But where are they now?
This, complicated question, is leading somewhere… but some of them are working other jobs. Some have left the country & disappeared into the ether. Some are still music adjacent. When I think of them… do I consider them failures? Do they consider that of themselves? What’s the difference between a failure, & someone who moves on?
I think most of us are confronted with the fact that we’ll most likely fail. (especially those of us in their 30’s showing no signs of the worldwide fame & fortune they expected…) I have no stats on how common it is for an artist to fail, & I reckon the definition of ‘artist’ will resist any kind of measurable group of people, so we’ll never fully know. But it’s hard to think that it’s less than anything other than 99%. So where do all of these people go? What do they end up doing?
I’ll mention now, than not everyone who plays music & releases, considers it a ‘full-time’ viability. A whole bunch of these people have no intent of their music becoming a worldwide phenomenon… but for those of us with illusions of grandeur, where do we go when we fizzle out or fade away?
It seems like a lot of these ‘failed’ artists, end up working in the music industry. They find new joys in working with music, & other musicians who are somewhat more fortunate than themselves. They come to learn just how rare & difficult ‘success’ is in the music industry & they build their lives differently. There are even those who begin to find some moderate success & realise that it’s not what they wanted, then they choose to step down. But at what point should a ‘rational’ person throw in the towel?
It’s a point I make all the time. We need to be somewhat delusional to expect any kind of success as an artist. If we knew how impossible it was, & fully accepted how impossible it was, we wouldn’t even try… & that brings you’re chance of failure to 100%. So we often must walk the sanity tightrope. Delusion to sustain our need to try.
Deep in the night, when I’m wrestling with my pillow, the thoughts do creep in. “When should I throw in the towel?” “Will I ever?” etc, etc… & I have no answer for these penetrating ‘what ifs’. But I know others who have thrown in the towel. I know that there are countless more out there. Perhaps there’s no unifying factor that makes us quit… perhaps it’s just a personal journey.
Honestly, I can actually imagine myself doing a hundred other things with my life, but I can’t imagine quitting. I’ve already gone through the process of being forced to quit circus as a professional career… & it wasn’t fun. Back then it didn’t really feel like my choice, which helped me accept it. It also didn’t feel like I was leaving something behind. It felt like I was choosing something else… & that’s when I chose music.
Maybe that’s it then. Maybe those of us who fail, never truly quit. Maybe we just put things on pause for a while, or we divert our attention to other things. Maybe nobody ever quits. (So many maybe’s & not a single reason why I’m writing all of this out.) I’m not planning on giving up anytime soon. I’ve even written entries like this before. The spectre of failure is always looming on those of us that aren’t being exhalted as artists. I guess I just wanted to get this out of my head today, & into the eyes of anyone else who feels like it. Now that THAT’S done, we can move on with the day.
(I’m currently fighting with facebook ads… & I hate it so much.)
(I’m also struggling with some self filming, but I’ll chat about that another day.)
For now, have a magical day.
N
