Wednesday 1st February, 2023
Long time no see… yes, it’s been a whole month since I’ve written to you, & the vlog is on its way. Every once in a while, a perfect combination of procrastination & tragedy collide in a spectacular clusterfuck. January has been my ‘once in a while’… so that’s what I’m here to chat about with you: the learning from my clusterfuck.
We work now, so that we may work then.
What I mean by this is simple…
A few months back, I began my second year of college. I was told on day one, “these are the projects you’ll have to finish, & here’s when you’ll have to submit them”. THAT’S when I should have begun my planning, & started chipping away at my assessments. Of course, I couldn’t foresee the situation I ended up in, but that’s the point. You can never know what will happen on the week before your deadline… so prepare to submit earlier… or at least get a bunch of the work done early so that you can deal with whatever comes your way.
In classic Nathan fashion, I procrastinated, & procrastinated… I took my work for granted, overestimating myself & underestimating the work. I made other things my priority, including my own wellbeing, so it wasn’t exactly misplaced time. Nonetheless, I spent a whole bunch of time hopping around like the grasshopper I am. Then, Winter came.
The pressure started to build, as my Winter holidays started to fill up with family & friends, as I started to crave moments to myself, as I started to plan my 2023 music schedule. I had to book ahead by months, I had tickets to sell, I had shows to play, I had music to record, I had people to see… & way down at the bottom of my list: I had assignments to complete. Gradually the stress of a complicated life & unfinished work began to pile on top of me. If you remember the game Buckaroo… you’ll understand where my state of mind was. I was a pissed off mule, ready to buck off all of my responsibility!
In my planning state I took the week, before my assessments, off… A clear schedule, no interruptions, everyone thinking that I was busy, etc. I could have (& eventually had to) complete all of these assessments in a week. To start this week off I had a lovely show in the Grand Social for BIMM’s NOFOMO. The show went really well, & I took that night to announce my next headline show: A Valentine’s themed performance in the Workmans Cellar.
The show actually went brilliantly, the audience was amazing, I felt great, it sounded good, etc… People were so nice afterwards… I definitely got caught up in all the compliments… which is an issue for another day. Either way, as the night continued I found out some pretty horrible news. A friend of mine had died. Suddenly I wasn’t in the room. The last thing I wanted was for someone to do was compliment me on my performance… so I got out of the venue, went home, & that week of college work seemed meaningless… but life continues without us, & deadlines are deadlines. I emailed my college & told them of my situation, they understood, & I got an extra week to hand in my work.
After the chaos of a sudden death, & the 10,000 words full of Harvardly referenced data & opinions, my brain was fried… two weeks had passed. My will to sell 200 tickets to a Valentines show has disappeared. So, I did what was best for me as a person, & worst for me as an artist… I cancelled the headline show. This REALLY took the wind out of my sails & I’m still struggling to get the ball rolling again. But the year is happening. As the time moves faster in the morning, so to is January over in a flash. The pressure is on again, not with a deadline, but with its absence.
So I find that the work we don’t do today, might not be possible tomorrow.
You can’t just delay everything & expect to finish it someday… Some dreams, & projects have external expiry dates. I really wanted to play that show & kick off the year with a big bang. Had I the assignments finished, or nearly finished before my Winter holidays, I would have been able to handle selling tickets to the show, I’d be selling them right now. Who know’s what kind of momentum, energy, & opportunity that show would have given me… I guess it’s not good to dwell on what could have been, but for a moment, here, now… the regret is serving me well.
That’s the hard earned lesson from all of this. A lesson I want to share with you artist… you creative… you procrastinator. We must get a grip on ourselves. Today will not be like tomorrow, the difference can be monumental. Get what you need to do, done today. Tomorrow there will be more. There is no end to the work, but there’s work we hate & work we love. In another attempt to condense this lesson into some pillow cover quote:
Work today to love working tomorrow.
I’ve not written to you because of all this chaos, & the need to take care of myself. The vlog, & even the Patreon song are delayed too…. but for some very different reasons to do with equipment, & trying to sync up calendars… but you don’t need to know any of that. I’m sure you’re not starving for more right now, you can wait. & I love you for that!
Talk to you again NEXT WEEK,
& that’s an ‘ice promise’.
Nathan
