Wednesday 2nd August, 2023
Am I using people to become successful?
This is a question that’s lingered around me since a conversation I had a few days ago.
Do I, & we in the creative sector, use our friends, or create fake bonds with others based on what we need from them?
A few years ago I decided that I needed more photos of myself to seem more professional, to have a better social media presence, & therefore succeed as an artist. I didn’t have any money… & I hadn’t yet learned the value of a good photographer (& why they should be paid properly). Back then, the conclusion I came to was… I need to make friends with more photographers, & they’ll just take photos of us hanging out. Little did I know that not all photographers spend their time perpetually shooting.
For a while, I did lean into the photographers that I came into contact with & actually spend more effort to spend time with them. The tactic kind of worked, as I did befriend a bunch of photographers. So you could conclude from this story that I was creating friendships based out of utility. Or you could conclude this, if you didn’t know that a whole bunch of photographers I came into contact with didn’t end up becoming my friend cause we didn’t have a genuine connection, or that some of those photographers have gone on to become my best friends. So the full story is kind of complicated. The reason we hung out at the start is because I wanted them to take my photo, but the reason we became friends is because we had genuine connections & liked each other.
This idea of making friendships based on utility is a funny one for me because I think I do straddle the line, & it does feel a little underhanded. If I’m being honest, it feels innocent enough. I know full well that a friendship cannot be sustained on utility alone, but it can be the deciding factor early on. In a similar way that beautiful people find it easier to meet new people, but not exactly easier to keep friends. Maybe that’s true for rich people, but I don’t know any of them… so that’s a guess.
We often have a dirty, & artificial view of networking. It’s a forced intimacy. It feels hard because it’s forcing something that’s normally not easy, & takes genuine time & effort. Making friends is not an easy task, especially when compared to making contacts. My relationship to networking over the years has been a tough one. I’m desperately looking for a creative family to call my own, but I’ve struggled to enjoy most people’s company in the music industry. I often compare the music industry to the theatre or circus one & the difference is one of individualism. The music industry is built on individuals working together when they have to. The theatre & circus world is built on the need (& necessary enjoyment) of working with others. So it’s easier to make friends in the latter scenes because there’s a shared understanding that we need each other. In the music industry, we’re all trying to make it on our own, until we absolutely need the label, or the PR company… the exception to this is musicians. They really do love to play together. (I don’t fully see the appeal as a ‘non-musician’)
In my inefficient way, I’ve decided to forgo networking for friend seeking. When it comes to people in the music industry, if I can’t have a proper conversation with you about a non-music subject, I don’t wanna deal with you. I want to work with people I can spend time with & feel comfortable around. This is a new approach so I can’t report on how useful it is… but we’ll see how it goes.
Okay, enough out of me, there’s branding to be done…
Nathan
