Thursday 17th November 2022
What in the world am I about to do to this journal?
So, one year ago, I began collecting behind the scenes footage of ‘Learning Curve’ with the hope to some day make a wee ‘making of’ video. (which will come one day… promise)
With that first excited upload to Youtube, & then Patreon, I kind of fell in love with editing videos. Since then, I’ve made a bts video each month, to post on Patreon & show off a little bit of my life & my music making, etc… & now, a year on, I’m in the mood for a new challenge. It’s time to get a lil more vloggy, & then add it to this bloggy.
What this means is that I’ll be talking more to the camera & tell a bit more of a coherent story through the bts footage that I collect. Do I know what it’ll look, sound, & feel like? NO I most certainly do not… which, I guess, is partially the purpose. What I do know is that I hope people interact witb it in a deeper & more meaningful way. I’d like to spark conversations through it, & build up a new kind of culture over on the youtube. (if you haven’t subscribed… do so immediately…)
I watch a tonne of youtube creators, & I guess that’s where I’m drawing my inspiration & framework from. My choppy cuts & weird editing moments come mainly from the Gorillaz documentary: Bananaz, & a little bit from the Urban Rescue Ranch too. I love, & I mean love, to talk… you know this… & I love to document my life & the life that surrounds me. Last night I spoke with a friend extensively about the ego & my own in particular. It’s something that plays a huge part in my motivation, it has a lot of power in my life, & for that reason, I need to keep an eye on it.
All of this documenting is completely egotistical. I wanna present myself & my life as something worth presenting. I want to buy into my own narrative, & I want the approval of others to confirm that narrative. Why this is what I’m looking for I don’t know, & I’m not sure I want to shine a light on that cosy & dark corner of my psyche. What I do know is that I’m putting myself through all of the chaos to acheive that confirmation: That I’m living a story worth telling.
So I’m calling the new & improved journal: “Perpetually Not Drowning”. Why? I’ll explain that next week, or at the end of the month in my first video journal! Either way, I need to hop off. I’m currently on a dark bus in some corner of London. I' need to keep a lookout for my friend!
Talk to you next week!
Nathan
