Wednesday 30th November, 2022
Trying to rebrand this journal turned out to be more work than I thought…
So, the whole idea of November & December in the musical world at least, is two-fold:
Release your Christmas single (if you have one)
Plan your next year & book as many gigs as humanly possible.
Unfortunately, I am also studying in college & my assessments are due in early January, so I’ve to really get going on those. It also would seem that everyone else is suddenly free & trying to spend a lot of time socialising before the holidays. On top of all this, I’ve got this blog to rebrand… & of course, my Patreon song & vlog to finish. Ahh yes, & other work / life things that have yet to be done.
Last night I went to the last Trinity Circus training night, & spoke to an old friend about “the weight of what’s to be done” & the strength it takes to carry a huge to do list. Quite often, it seems as if carrying the pressure of all our little jobs is taking more effort than actually doing them. When I finish a Patreon song, a college assessment, or something else on my kilometre long to do list, the release of pressure is freeing. Your feet lift from the ground ever so slightly. Why can’t I remember that feeling? It’s like trying to remember what it’s like to be healthy when you’re sick, or sick when you’re healthy. All I can see in my mind, is the ‘amount’ of work that has to be done… I don’t view it as a series of small tasks. I view it as a long road in the dark, with no end in sight, only an end in mind. If you read these journals, you’re probably aware of my affinity for procrastination. After last night’s articulation of “the weight of what’s to be done”, I think I’ve had enough of the mental stress that procrastination brings. It’s physically exhausting… & I know a bunch of you are exhausted by your thoughts, & your to do’s… I know I’m not alone in this. But I am at a tipping point… so I think it’s time to ‘get stuff done.’ What that means is of course, more complicated than just deciding to work. It’s habit building. It’s technique. It’s a long road away from procrastination… a road with no end in sight, but an end in mind.
So, what’s stopping me from rebranding this journal? Honestly, it’s just imagery… I have a photoshoot in December with a very talented photographer & I want that to be the new imagery for this journal. I also want to keep the word ‘journal’ at the core of this page so I’m indecisive about renaming the URL… ahh, this whole journal rebrand is a distraction from the real work I need to do. Some of you read this, but you are few when compared to the other facets of my music career. (although you are my favourite kind of person… & I get such a little kick when you tell me that you were reading this.) So really, I should just put some temporary imagery up & change it when I have the imagery… & I need to explain that here for some odd reason. I feel the need to explain it. Or to justify it..? I dunno… doing things somewhat publicly is new to me.
Only last week, I had an odd moment where I met someone who was a ‘fan’… in the true sense of the word. They didn’t know me, liked my music, & they liked ME because they liked my music. They almost ignored everyone else in the room & paid extra attention to what I had to say. I can’t say it wasn’t nice… it was novel… but I can say that it was unsettling. I meet a lot of artists who are overly concerned about changing things, or trying something new, for fear of what ‘people’ will think. Sure, we are told that ‘consistency’ is key, & maybe that’s good advice for some people… but it feels like we want to be afraid, or that it’s a by-product of what we want. We want fans that care enough to notice the changes we make. We want people to ‘expect’ from us. So many artists are feeling the pressure to post on social media more, or release more music… I’m one of those artists. But that pressure is born from an imaginary demand for us. We want to be in demand… so we almost pretend like we are, & that results in this pressure to produce more & explain our changes to those watching. Even if there are none, or very few watching… Like with the Patreon exclusivity thing, I’ve come to realise that if you’re reading this, then you either get me, or you’re willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. If I change something, get something wrong, or disappear for a while, you’re not gonna be worried or annoyed at my ‘lack of consistency’… you’ll assume I’m trying something, or planning something, or just taking a moment to & for myself. It’s like I said to my younger sister when she was a kid: “If your friends believe silly lies about you, then they aren’t your friends.” You, reading this now, are my friend. :)
Oh dear, I’ve gone away on a wee tangent there haven’t I?
I should pop off this, set up the structure for the new blog/vlog/journal idea. I’ll upload some blank colours, pop up the title: Perpetually Not Drowning, & integrate the youtube vlog aspect. Then I’ll catch up on some commitments that I’ve made, work on some music stuff (for a secret project I’m making), & head to the city for a creative coffee chat.
So, until I upload my monthly BTS video, I’ll bid you adieu.
Nathan
