Thursday 29th September, 2022
I got sick… so the works are somewhat delayed… thankfully, the world isn’t watching. It’s just us.
It’s funny, last night I was meeting with a wonderful colleague. I was showing her this very blog… joking about how inconsistent the timing is. I was all like: “oh yeah, I’ll get on it later. 100%”………….. yeah, okay, I didn’t. Whatever.
So, we’re here now. What’re we gonna talk about? Honestly I don’t know where to begin with all of everything that’s going on these days. After getting home from Germany everything landed on top of me really quickly, I started getting little bits done. I was building up a good momentum, & then I got sick. Now that I’m better-ish, it’s time to get back into the flow of things.
After all of this dust has settled, it’s time I got editing a short video of the September 2nd show. I have about 300GB of footage to wade through & cherrypick. Over an hour of footage to be edited into 3 minutes. The good news is that I’ve got the three minutes already picked. There’s no bad news to balance it out… which is nice. Something very strange did happen though. As I scanned through the footage I noticed the face of someone I’d never met before. For some reason I’ve been drawn into the fantasy of this stranger… so much so, that I’ve even begun writing a song about them! Something I’ve never really talked about on here is dating as an artist. The peculiar moments that you can have with partners, or potential partners, etc… THAT sounds like fun, right? Ya see? I knew we’d find something to talk about eventually.
There are a few very specific aspects of dating as a musician…
The power dynamic… sometimes you meet someone online, or at your show, or you meet them & they eventually come across your work as an artist… Whatever, the point of the long ass sentence is: you meet someone, & they know your work. What can happen quite quickly, is a weird pedestal moment. They look at you, but they see all of the music, & the stage presence. They basically see you: the artist, & not you: the person. Suddenly you’ll find yourself with a lot more control of the conversations you have, or the activities you get up to. For someone like me, this kills any potential for a relationship. I kinda hate being treated like I’m special because of the music I make. That being said… I do often fall in love with performers for their performances & not their personalities… but I know that it’s not a REAL attraction. For me, it’s complicated. On the one hand, someone might just really like what I do, & want to be supportive. On the other, I can feel like I haven’t earned their affection in an honest way. People telling me I’m talented is a very strange red flag… but maybe that says more about where I’m at mentally than where they’re at.
Finding a suitable partner… Being in a relationship can be tough for a bunch of reasons: you’re always busy, your emotional struggle is kinda hard to understand, & you are constantly on the edge of emotional collapse from all of the rejection you face. All of that being said, when you find a partner that understands the in's & out’s of being an artist, you count your lucky stars. A part of that ‘suitable partner’ makeup is a lack of jealousy. After a show, or even in online messages, some people get very friendly, & very complimentary… I’ve had partners that were uncomfortable with the attention I sometimes received… I’ve also had some that would enjoy the silliness of it all.
The ‘will you, won’t you’ of writing a song about your partner/ex… This is always a funny one. Some relationships have sparked a dozen great songs. Some break up’s have completely written themselves. Some relationships & break up’s can provide absolutely no songs at all. Some of my friends joke about me needing to have my heart broken again so that I can write some more hits… always tongue in cheek, but it is something that happens. I’ve met artists who think that their current love is not enough because it hasn’t inspired them to write… which from the outside seems crazy, (cause it is) but artists are crazy. I’m always careful not to make the songs too specific. I wouldn’t wanna inflict the memory of a time onto someone else… not everyone has the same sense of kindness! (looking at you Taylor Swift) Occasionally, some people will even try to extract a song about them… usually by acting all dramatic & trying to be like someone in a movie… these are people to avoid.
The bliss of coming home from a show, & falling into the arms of someone waiting… Okay, I added this one because it’s a lil soppy, but it’s also one of life’s most wonderful rewards. You sing your little heart out, to a great crowd, or no crowd, & then you collapse into someone. Being on stage, knowing that you have a person waiting for you after the show, it’s unmatched. You’re carrying a tonne of equipment & instruments… you’ve been working on promotion & performing for months. All of the magic happens & then you get to share it with someone special. What happens usually is that the magic happens, the crowd leaves, you get all of your gear home, & then the empty silence creeps in. Having someone there makes the come down a beautiful moment.
Okay, I’m gonna stop all this now. Yes, I’m a lil bummed out after dredging the pits of my relationship history, but also I’m wrecked from working & being a lil sick boy the past few days. I’ve also a bunch of work to do elsewhere for the house & the patreon. I also just need to be a human sometimes… I’m not always Nathan Mac. Sometimes the Donnell is important.
Right, Oiche Maith!
Nathan
