Thursday 2nd November, 2023
Woah, nearly missed this week! For a very good reason mind you...
Lucky for you, today & yesterday both brough about a lot of big revelations creatively. So let’s…
Actually, I don’t know if I mentioned before, but I’m currently on a 12 week circus course called Boost. It’s a pilot programme from the ambitious minds at the Dublin Circus Project. We have a showcase of our progress in The Complex on the 10th of December. While technically not a music show, I will be performing secretly while I’m still in this developmental stage. (Okay… that’s the context of what you’re about to read!)
Let’s start with the post. On Tuesday 31st (happy Halloween everyone) I received a wonderful package with three special purchases. Thanks to everyone’s support on Patreon I bought a lovely LED block for video making, a headset ‘Britney’ mic, & a wireless radio system. You see… your boy is beginning to choreograph his first Corde Lisse performance!!! & he needs a microphone up there in the air.
So, after some testing, I got a good sense of how it’s all gonna work, how it’s gonna sound, & what I need to train so that it all sounds a little better.
Right now, I need to accept SOME breathing into the microphone while I sing & perform on the rope… at the end of the day, I’m still new to this. I’m not P!nk yet. YET!
The biggest issue I had yesterday was over compensation. I was smothering the song in flashy circus tricks, & I was compensating for dodgey circus techniques with music. It’s taking a lot of work to do litte… but this is where I come back to a point made previous: “I’m hiding behind my tricks”. Now I’m hiding what I make with ‘tricks’. The best part about yesterday was getting to lay down some tricks in time with the song. There’s so much fun in devising a show… & so much heartbreak in reducing it to a clean & impactful performance.
As a circus artist & even as a musical artist… I love flash! I love technical & difficult things. I wanna play on the edge of my abilities. But as a performing artist, I need to love communication above all else. Which is a lesson that a lot of us need to learn.
Today, a more focused approach to my show building. As a singer, as a songwriter, it all starts with the words. So our gifted mentor had me speaking the words out. He listened intently to the meaning behind the text, & then pulled out whispers from me. We found that ‘intimate’ quality & then opened it up across the hall. I had to project over the noise & distance, with a whisper-like voice. The form was being pushed & pulled, but the intent was solid.
Then I had to speak it to my rope. I got to explore my emotional relationship to my apparatus. Eventually wrapping myself & climbing while speaking with it. The emotional labour was tiring. At a certain point I had to just do some push ups & chin ups to give my little heart a rest.
Using the wireless headset microphone, I recorded myself talking to the rope. Listening back over it, I noticed a difference in some moments. When it was right, I felt it! I believed the guy speaking. & just as it came, the honesty left. It got harder & harder to be true as my heart emptied slowly.
There’s always more to say about these things but I won’t be too meticulous. Instead I’ll leave you with a final revelation I had about my performance, my artistry, & myself:
I’m scared to be sincere.
…scared for as long as I have memory. Scared of the scoffs & eyerolls. Scared of what I’m drawn to, of what I love, of who I think I truly am.
So my goal going forward, is to be scared in front of everyone. To open my lil heart & just be the way I am… cheesey & saccarin sweet.
Until then,
Nathan
