Wednesday 19th October, 2022
He’s been saying no to everyone he can, & it’s been going great. Unfortunately, to get things done, sometimes you need to not do things…
In a paradoxical way, having too much to do can be paralysing. I’ve found myself needing to escape, needing to occupy my mind with something else for a brief moment. What’s a good way to occupy your mind? Occupy your body! So I’ve been yearning for the circus… & I’ve been indulging too. Every Tuesday I head out to Goldsmith Hall & join in with a bunch of the circus folk & trinity students. Teaching, practicing, & just enjoying the company of other weirdos… it’s technically linked to my music career, but it feels separate. It feels like a HOBBY! Which is so handy for escaping the constant pressure of optimising your life & ‘monetising your passion’.
One thing I really hate to see, & yet am guilty of, is a hobby turned sour with the pressures of profit. Maybe it’s the dormant leftie deep within me kicking & screaming… but there’s a lot to be said for keeping your hobbies as ‘pure’ aspects of your life. I am being soooo hypocritical right now though, because I’ve been kind of appropriating my own ‘hobby’ for my musical ambitions… I’ve justified all of this because I had stopped practicing & performing. It was my music that brought me back to the circus. In a bid to make myself a more unique artist. In a way, music is the reason I’m once more a circus man… but that still feels a little bit sullied… a little bit.
Apart from my circus conundrum, have I any other hobbies? Kinda… I do love cooking. More than eating actually… which may be odd, but it’ll make me an excellent house-husband. (Just in case there are any rich working women out there looking for a domestic god.) I also love to garden… something that I’d kinda given up on in the chaotic year I’ve had. Not having a garden, & living in an apartment has made my plants a little difficult to work with. Between you & me, yesterday, I skipped my college lecture & a workshop, just so I could stay home & sort out my garden. It was a messy bliss! Now my little chlorophylled babies are happy out in their new pots, with their new soil. The whole room has a beautiful & romantic feel to it.
I don’t know how many of you share this… but when I feel that overwhelm & I’ve no idea where to begin… I clean. I shape my space into a beautiful & picturesque place. It’s all a part of how I’ve learned to weaponise my ego over the years. It likes to feel as if it’s the centre of the universe, the main character to the grand story. Sometimes I’ll stay up late, with incense burning, writing in my journal, watching documentaries about great artists, & acting out my ‘main character role’. It’s on those nights that I actually get the most work done… it’s pretty remarkable how easy I am to manipulate.
At the risk of trailing off into obscurity… let’s try to siphon some kind of lesson out of all this waffle.
Of course motivation is no replacement for discipline… but they work in tandem. Motivation is like your 100m sprint, while discipline is your everyday morning run. When you’re not in a great place, or the momentum has stalled, motivation can be a great kickstart. Those moments of cleaning, acting like a main character, & escaping into a hobby, these are really great, motivators. Discipline on the other hand? Well, I honestly can’t speak about that with any kind of knowledge… there were brief moments in my life where I exercised discipline. They were long ago, & sparse. One day I’ll get back to that place.
For now, say no to people, let your life breathe with a hobby, or some cleaning… Make your world beautiful & then be the person who belongs to that world.
Until next week kiddos,
Nathan
