Wednesday 2nd November, 2022

I am amazing, & so are you… lemmie explain

Ooooh we’re gonna chat about two things today. We’ll dive into what someone said to me last night, & get into a philosophy of working as your own boss. (as all artists are) But first, allow me to catch you up on what’s been going on this past week. Feels like I used to do that with this journal. Anywhoos…

This past week I’ve done almost nothing! Lately I’ve struggled to get out of bed, & only do so when my obligations to others demand it. There’s a catastrophic to-do list looming on my shoulder & I’m here, trying to get laundry done properly. I’ve a bunch of solutions for this, & considering my over dramatic & ego-driven personality… I’m prone to overcorrection & whiplash habit modification. To be fair, I did have an excellent rehearsal on Friday. We’re onboarding another drummer. There’s a show coming up where Grim can’t play… & this will be a long term aspect in the life of any solo-artist. You will need to replace people… & you will need options. Luckily for me, I’m in a damned music college with hundreds of musicians, a lot of whom are talented. Okay, enough catch up. Let’s get into the weeds.

First the work thing… then we’ll move onto how amazing we are.

Something that became apparent very quickly, at about 1pm on no particular Wednesday, was the importance of preparation. When a flood of hungry people, looking for all manner of sandwiches, salads, & coffees, are pouring into your cafe… you better have some of the veg chopped, the grill heated, the takeaway cups stocked, & your coffee recipe embodied subconsciously. The dishes must be cleared so that you can dump what you can’t handle right now, & your workstation really needs to be ready for the chaos you can ideally mitigate with your habitual systems. I was a barista once (& I hope to be again someday). What this experience taught me is that the work I don’t do now, I will have to do later… with the work that shows up later. Applied to music, or your own artistic practice your hours become days, or weeks… the work you don’t do today, will need to be done tomorrow. In fact, when I chat to other artists about what problems they’re facing, it’s usually something they should have done a few weeks ago. To take myself as an example… all I want to do now is perform. I haven’t played since the September launch, & it’s killing my soul a bit. The solution to my current problem lies a few weeks behind me. While I was busy preparing the September release, the album, the film, etc… I should have been organising a string of shows throughout Autumn & Winter. Of course, that would have been a crazy amount of work for one person… & with that in mind, I can somewhat calm my current ambition to be touring the world right now.

It’s very easy for artists to lose sight of this function of our work. You want to release a song? What were you working on 2 months ago that took priority? A lot of artistic folk (& everyone else, although to a lesser degree), suffer from an affliction called imagination. We can look around & picture how things could, should be, or how we want them to be. Our dissatisfaction lies in the gulf between our imagination & the reality. A great way to soften the blow of this disparity is to become an expert of expectation. When I look at where I’m at now, I think… I could be performing every night! I SHOULD be performing every night! But when I take into account where I’ve just come from, the massive amount of work & the fallout of my big ol’ release, & the life that’s been trying to break through my skin… it’s no wonder that I’m not out there gigging every night. Why aren’t you getting the music festival? It’s because 7 or 8 months ago, you didn’t find the right person & put yourself forward.

I say all of this with the aim to dissolve the devil on your shoulder… the cat of 9 tails that you use to flog yourself with. But I also say this to give you a better idea of how to achieve things. Plan ahead. The work you do today is the work you won’t have to do in a week or two. So try, & I do mean try, to tackle what you can now… & lay out what needs to be done today, to get to where you want to be in 6 months. If you can master the art of scheduling & planning… you’ll be a much happier artist… or at least you won’t hate yourself for your perceived ‘failures’.

& with that being said… it’s time to tell you how amazing you are!

Last night, someone tried to express how they viewed me. They used words like amazing & magical… but couldn’t quite find the right way to phrase it. (of course it went to my head & made me slightly embarrassed) Today I’m not going to talk about managing your ego, or accepting compliments… I think I’ve already done that before in this journal. No, no, today I’m going to remind you of that persons perspective. Because it’s true, I am amazing, magical, & wonderfully indescribable… & chances are, if you’re an artist… you are too.

So I started performing as a Circus artist at the age of 14. The first trick I ever played on stage was simple. I balanced a unicycle on my chin & walked from one end of the stage to another. To some of you… this is not a ‘simple’ thing to do, but the person who went on before me juggled 5 clubs, while balancing on a 2 meter unicycle with one foot. The person that went on after me pulled a condom through their nose & out of their mouth…. You see, we normalise our surroundings pretty quickly, & we compare ourselves to those similar to us. Back then, if you stood me next my classmates in school, I would have been considered so unique & talented. But if you stood me next to the club juggler & condom sniffer, I was fine… kind a regular.

Artists tend to hang out with other artists. We watch each other perform. We compare ourselves to one another, & we view ourselves as a part of THIS world… not the wider one. I know some amazingly talented individuals, surrounded by other musicians & artists, who think they’re not at all interesting or significant. & I know some artists… new to their craft… who think they are God’s gift to the Earth. I want to highlight the way we view ourselves, because it does make a huge difference. When you need that boost, remember that most people in the world don’t balance unicycles on their faces… or sing a song in front of 10 - 10,000 people. Most people are not performers & artists. Most people think you & I are amazing creatures, full of talent, potential, & magic. Most people dream of the ability to engage in the creative world as much as we do… & very few in the world are lucky enough to give it a real shot.

So, when you need a little lift, or you just need some permission to give that dream a shot, remember that you are amazing, unique, magic, & one of the very very few people in the world that actually has a shot at this. Use that to launch yourself forwards with confidence in your vision.

Something I’ve been telling my fellow artists recently is that we are the ones who decide what’s cool, what’s interesting, what’s important. We are the ones who describe the dreams. We paint the future for everyone & we shape people in a way that no politician, policy maker, or dictator can. So never let someone tell you what you should do… you are the ultimate authority on your art.

Now, it’s time for this special, magical, amazingly unique human being to clean his house.

Even Gandi cleaned toilets… & if it’s good enough for Gandi…

See you soon!

Nathan